Funny Birthday Wishes for Older Brother

Don’t worry, big brother, age is only a number. Although, in your case, it’s a very, very, very, very big number! Happy birthday!

Dear older brother,
I asked Mom and Dad to tell me about the day you were born. Know what they said? They can’t remember that far back! I guess that means you’re ancient. Happy birthday, old guy!

Happy birthday, big brother! To celebrate, why don’t we go shopping? I can’t wait to take advantage of your seniors’ discount!

For your birthday, I decided to get you some practical gifts. Now, I know you might think the toupee is a little bit over top but, seriously, it won’t be long now, big brother!

On your birthday, big brother, I noticed that not only have you got one foot in the grave, you’ve got the other one standing on the shovel blade! You might want to take it easy this year.

Dear Big Brother,
I have been told that if you want to get into the best nursing homes you have to put your name down on a list early. I thought that now was a good time to let you know that I put your name down about 10 years ago, so you should be good to go. You’re welcome.

One of my favorite memories of our schooldays, big brother, was learning about the Dark Ages. I learned so much that year because I had someone who lived through it to tell me firsthand stories. Thanks for being such a great history teacher! Happy birthday!

Happy birthday, big brother! You may feel like you’re getting really old, but you don’t need to be ashamed of your age. Now, when the party is all over, to cheer you up I’ll take you out to get fitted for your walker.

You are my brother, my older brother!
As you start aging, your hair turns gray.
You’ll try to dye it, but that won’t do it,
As every follicle starts to fall away!

Happy birthday. Enjoy what little hair you have left!

Happy birthday to you!
You belong in the zoo!
I asked the rhinoceros
and he recognized you!

Happy birthday, big brother!

Dear Big Brother,
I noticed that you look very excited about your birthday. Big smiles, jumping up and down and all that shouting for joy. I know you think you feel good now, but in the strictest of confidence, it might be time for you to switch to decaf. Happy birthday!

For your birthday, I got you a bag of marbles because I noticed you seem to have lost yours!

Well, big brother, I’m not going to say you’re over the hill just yet but you sure are trekking toward the top like there’s a rabid bear on your tail! You really should slow down a little and enjoy your big day!

I got you the usual for your birthday this year, big brother. You know, the whiskey, gin, rum and vodka. I hope it’s enough to keep away the voices again this year. And you know I won’t tell anyone.