Happy birthday to you!
Turning old right on cue!
I’ve poured you a cocktail
To help you get through!
Happy birthday, big sister!
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As my older sister, you have taught me well. You know, and I know, that birthdays are all about the cake. I hope you have the biggest, yummiest birthday cake ever made!
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Getting older isn’t easy. Let’s face it, when you got up to do that happy birthday dance, your frivolity looked kind of befuzzled.
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You’re no spring chicken anymore, big sister! But don’t worry. As you mourn the loss of your youth, remember this–I’m only a few years behind you. Happy birthday from the spring chicken to the summer one!
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Happy birthday to you!
Happy birthday from me!
Knowing I’m still much younger
Fills me with glee!
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So, I asked some of your friends what to get you for your birthday. They really wanted me to go all out. In the end, I had to get you something small because I really couldn’t afford that big, shiny, silk-lined mahogany box. I hope you like what I got instead!
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As you celebrate another year, remember what a beautiful gift life is. No, really think about it, because that’s the only gift you’re getting. Happy birthday, big sister!
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Dear sister,
You may be wondering why I brought a fireman to your birthday party. No, he is not a stripper, unfortunately. Sorry to disappoint you. He is actually here to help put out the blaze after we light your birthday candles!
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On your birthday, I thought I should offer you a bit of sage advice that has always served me well. When you go for the cake, you can get a lot more in your mouth if you take your dentures out first. Just go ahead and gum that stuff! Happy birthday!
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It’s your birthday today. What are you going to do? In the convoluted, misquoted, disreputable words of Marie Antoinette, “Let’s eat cake!”
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In honor of your birthday, I did some reading relating to the topic of old age. Know what I found out? Turkey buzzards can live well beyond 100 years. I’ve always thought you had a lot in common with them, but now I know for sure!
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So, when I was trying to decide what to do for your birthday, I talked to some of your old friends to get ideas. I’ve got to say, that 150-year-old Galapagos Tortoise remembers everything about you!
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In celebration of your birthday, I made you a Mississippi mud pie. I thought it would really fit the theme, considering you are now older than dirt!
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The other day I was thinking about science and stuff. I was thinking, you know, why do we rely on fossils and carbon dating to determine the age of earth? Why don’t scientists just ask you?
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To my much, much, much older sister on her birthday:
Comb, comb, comb your hair,
Watch it all fall out!
Steadily, steadily, steadily, steadily–
As you come down with gout!