Funny Birthday Wishes for Older Sister

Happy birthday to you!
Turning old right on cue!
I’ve poured you a cocktail
To help you get through!

Happy birthday, big sister!

As my older sister, you have taught me well. You know, and I know, that birthdays are all about the cake. I hope you have the biggest, yummiest birthday cake ever made!

Getting older isn’t easy. Let’s face it, when you got up to do that happy birthday dance, your frivolity looked kind of befuzzled.

You’re no spring chicken anymore, big sister! But don’t worry. As you mourn the loss of your youth, remember this–I’m only a few years behind you. Happy birthday from the spring chicken to the summer one!

Happy birthday to you!
Happy birthday from me!
Knowing I’m still much younger
Fills me with glee!

So, I asked some of your friends what to get you for your birthday. They really wanted me to go all out. In the end, I had to get you something small because I really couldn’t afford that big, shiny, silk-lined mahogany box. I hope you like what I got instead!

As you celebrate another year, remember what a beautiful gift life is. No, really think about it, because that’s the only gift you’re getting. Happy birthday, big sister!

Dear sister,
You may be wondering why I brought a fireman to your birthday party. No, he is not a stripper, unfortunately. Sorry to disappoint you. He is actually here to help put out the blaze after we light your birthday candles!

On your birthday, I thought I should offer you a bit of sage advice that has always served me well. When you go for the cake, you can get a lot more in your mouth if you take your dentures out first. Just go ahead and gum that stuff! Happy birthday!

It’s your birthday today. What are you going to do? In the convoluted, misquoted, disreputable words of Marie Antoinette, “Let’s eat cake!”

In honor of your birthday, I did some reading relating to the topic of old age. Know what I found out? Turkey buzzards can live well beyond 100 years. I’ve always thought you had a lot in common with them, but now I know for sure!

So, when I was trying to decide what to do for your birthday, I talked to some of your old friends to get ideas. I’ve got to say, that 150-year-old Galapagos Tortoise remembers everything about you!

In celebration of your birthday, I made you a Mississippi mud pie. I thought it would really fit the theme, considering you are now older than dirt!

The other day I was thinking about science and stuff. I was thinking, you know, why do we rely on fossils and carbon dating to determine the age of earth? Why don’t scientists just ask you?

To my much, much, much older sister on her birthday:

Comb, comb, comb your hair,
Watch it all fall out!
Steadily, steadily, steadily, steadily–
As you come down with gout!