Best Wishes for a Rockstar

Look, your mom and I have supported this music career thing for 30-years now. We even came to visit you in the hospital when you took up stage diving. We were there when you tried to bite the head off a bat and the bat won. And don’t forget that time we bailed you and the whole band out of jail. But, now that you are the big 4-0, don’t you think it’s time to grow up and get a real job? Happy Birthday…

Scary stage mask, check! Catsup packs in the jacket, check! Fire cannon and dry ice machines, check! Stage lighting, check! Wild flying-V shaped guitar, check! Beer, beer, and more beer, check! It’s your Birthday concert, check! Have a Happy Birthday

Lately you’ve been noticing more gray hairs in the mirror. The groupies seem to pass you up for that young drummer that just joined the band and still has all his teeth. The critics started saying that your stage presence is looking a little “retro”. Your music even started getting played on the oldies station. But, you will always be a Golden Oldie in my book, Happy Birthday

The rest of the band got together and We wrote a little song for your birthday. 1, 2, 3, 4 Hit it boys. You’re so old, you’ve started to fade. Your bones creek and you’re getting afraid. Your tatoos have all stretched out and grayed. You’re hair fell out, but the rest of you stayed. Yeah Baby! You’re an old old old rock’n roll legend today. Happy Birthday

Signs that a rock star is getting old.

1. The groupies ask you where your son is.

2. You were actually there for the first British invasion.

3. Your band played Woodstock.

4. You forget the words to the songs you wrote.

5. You sneeze on stage and your dentures accidentally go flying into the audience.

Happy Birthday you old rock’n roll legend you.

A rock star’s birthday can get a little out of hand. First your tube amp blows up on stage. Next, the hotel has security remove you from the premises when the suitcase carrying the shaving cream bomb goes off in the lobby. Your drunk tour bus driver then causes a little five car pile up on the highway. Then the whole band ends up in the slammer. But, look on the bright side. At least you are spending your birthday with those you love most. Not to mention a couple creepy sell mates named Bubba and Del, but at least it was real. Rock On and Happy Birthday

Since it was your birthday, your girlfriend decided to bake brownies for the band. The good organic kind with a couple ingredients that might not pass through air port security. Of course, your guitars, amps, drums, and everything else got confiscated. And the security guards ate all your brownies. Oh well, maybe next year, right? Happy Birthday.