Funny Birthday Wishes 35 year old Man

Your genetics just called, they said 35 is a good time to go bald.

I hear 35 is when you reach your prime, but there is still not much value in a nickel and three dimes.

You’re starting to become a middle-aged man, and you’re clearly playing second fiddle to God’s master plan. We would all try to lend you a hand, but your birthday is giving you a weirdly engorged gland. Goodbye, man!

I hear you are a hoarder. You’ve got ten over a quarter. It’s probably worth even more down at the border, but you still can’t even afford a birthday porter, so let me order.

At 35, you’re still a stud until you take them home and show you’re a dud. Sorry, bud!

Happy 35th birthday! Now, get your prostate checked. Cancer can now make your life a living heck.

Being 35 makes nothing easy except for getting drunk and sleazy. In your case, it may lead to being homeless and freezing. Stay breezy!

It’s all downhill from here, 35 is your greatest fear. All your insecurities will become clear, and you will lose all that you hold dear. Yes, even beer.

When you are 35, every bar is a dive. Why are you even still alive? Well, you won’t be if you drink and drive.

You already picked up an old man’s musk; 35 is obviously your dusk.

Welcome to social irrelevance, and prepare to succumb to biological elements. Your age provides endless evidence, but the proof is in the old man stench.

If I said you were half way to 70, would that straight up be the end of me?

Now that you are 35, it is time to live a dirty life. So, do you want to share your pretty wife? But please spare your petty strife. You know what would be nicest: Just ignoring your mid-life crisis.

Happy birthday bro, I’m sorry year 35 is going to blow. Don’t ask how I know; it’s simply how it goes. Remember, there are no more hoes. All that’s left to look forward to are coffins in rows. Keep in mind that the aging never slows.

35 is still hot if you cover every liver spot. Is the time you’re on borrowed or bought? Either way, it’s all you got. You might get shot or have a blood clot. So, just a thought: is that your lot? I hope not because you would rot.

You’ve just hit a ripe old age, now it’s time to turn the page. 35 makes you an ancient sage fueled only be alcohol and rage. Now, set the stage for a lifelong cage.

35 means you’re now too old for high schoolers, so watch as your game is strictly limited to water coolers.

Have you decided to let yourself go, or are you fighting it? I just don’t know. Either way, you are not long for this earth. In fact, this may be the last time we commemorate your birth.

Now that you are 35, say goodbye to getting laid. That is, unless you can promise all expenses paid.

Don’t forget to take your meds! 35 might as well be dead. Sorry great grandpa, it’s time for bed.