Funny Birthday Wishes for Nurses


I could fill infinite verses with affectionate birthday wishes for nurses.

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Here is some tasty birthday grub, just make sure you keep it off of your scrubs.

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Your profession is so sterile, yet it is filled with the deranged and feral. I’d just stick the sick in a barrel and put them upstream. You’re a better person than me, I gleam.

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If I could be your proctor, I’d make you a doctor. Not because you’re a good nurse, but it’s your birthday and I’ve seen worse.

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I heard a rumor that nurses have the sickest senses of humor. I hope that’s true because I brought you a birthday tumor.

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Take a break from savings lives. I promise to still give you high fives. Really, I don’t care who dies or survives. Anyways, I stole all of the operating knives.

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Birthday flu is the curse of a dedicated nurse. That, and vomit in her purse. Now, I wonder why they are all terse. Which one will the stress kill first?

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It’s always fun starting: a nurse’s birthday party. Hopefully, I can get the keys to all of the pharmacies. Dose them all down the line, now the nurse will be working overtime.

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You aren’t the best or the worst; that’s why you’re not a doctor and just a nurse.

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I’ll let you keep my car if you just give me birthday CPR.

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Oh nurse, I wish I knew how to please ya, but I just haven’t had enough anesthesia.

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From the jaded look in your iris, it looks like you may finally succumb to the virus. That makes this birthday your direst.

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Do you patients drink enough water? Did they take too much blotter, and have a son or a daughter? At least it all makes for good birthday fodder.

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Thanks for helping with the extraction; I hope the procedure gave you some birthday satisfaction even if I went into traction. I know it was an unexpected reaction that divided the nurses into factions. Now, I get to watch all of the sexy cat fight action!

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They always said nurses were great, but most of them are overweight. They’re supposed to be sexy, but I’ve never found it; instead, it’s just vexing to see them squeeze into the outfit.

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I spent the entire day primping because I thought your nurse clothes would be skimpy.

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I am so glad you aren’t a man, so I can enjoy when you clean my bed pan. I love when you turn around and bend, and I drink tons of water to fill it up again. Even on your birthday, you arrive without fail; but, I know today is special from the whale tail.

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I hope I’m not an offender when I make reference to the nurse’s gender. Apparently, that’s a game ender. I wish I could return this slap to its sender, but she is already out on a birthday bender.

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I’ve got a feeling, nurse, and the sexual healing cures. So, do you want to teach me birthday medicine, or have my dreams just been jettisoned?

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Happy birthday nurse! I think my appendix just burst.